Aguilera
Kate:... I liked Pink when I met her.
A: You caught her on a good day.
K: Really?
A: I guess, yeah. She’s very--like, we all can have our good days aND OUr bad days. I found her to be very, like, sometimes i’ll see her and she’ll be cool and we’ve had great times before and whatnot, and then I’ll read something in a magazine and I’m like, hmm, that’s not very cool, or whatever. And then I’ll see her and she act completely like--just, you never know with some people. But that’s how I find her to be. I’m glad you found her to be sweet.
I don’t talk to her.
K: I’m not sure what the timing is on this piece. is there something you want to talk about?
A: The things going on in my life right now are returning from new york, of course the versace ad campaign that’s coming up in the fall, which i’m really excited about. Something new and different for me, kind of coming into the fashion world, kind of another element of the industry, where I was actually a model. So it was a little different for me. And of course there’s the tour coming up with ustin., Our first date with be June 4th. In the states we’ll start and then I’ll go off separately by myself in Europe. I haven’t really put a concert date for sale out there at all in the market, so having a tour in Europe is new to me, Then I think we’re going to be in Japan and South America, so it’s a big one. this is the biggest one to date. It’ll be exciting.
K: You’ve never toured solo in Europe?
A: I’ve done promo but as far as doing my own concert with dancers, set design and all this you know, I’ve never done it beofre. So it’ll be exciting, you know? And I’m getting to work with Jamie King, who I love his work.
K: Is he a choreographer?
A: He started as a choreographer but he doesn’t really do that anymore. He’s a set designer and his ideas are amazing. He did Madonna’s Drowned World tour and a lot of her things and her videos, and Janet--the big ones you like to see. And I love his work so I’m excited.
K: Does it feel weird to be going on tour when there’s a war going on and America’s image is weird right now internationally?
A: Um, it’s definitely a weird time in any sense just because no mater what you’re doing, the economy is affected, people’s jobs and everything. I say if you at least can get out there and do something and you have a job, I feel lucky that I have that security of knowing I do have a secure place financially to go out, and tickets are selling, thank God for that. It is weird but I can’t really look at the negative and be like, Oh ny God, let em stay in the house and lock all the doors. I’ve heard of artists and people not wanting to fly out to certain places before the war started just becuase of what was going on and the idea that it might start, or terrorism at any moment. But I cna’t live in fear, youknow, like that’s just not me. If I would make the decision not to get on a plane tomorrow, then i could go down the street, go shopping for some bread and some milk and get killed in a car accident. You never know. Anythign could happen. So I can’t live in fear that way. So i’m OK with it basically..
K: Last night being at the fashion show part of me was going like, there’s a fucking war. Shit’s going on and we’re wearing dresses and being hot--how do you feel about what you do in the context of all this super heavy hardcore stuff going on?
A: I think that’s why entertainment is important first of all--we’re not the ones in there with Bush making the decisions to go or not. We all have our own opinions, of course, I definitely have my own opinions, which I prefer not to speak about just because everyone has their own opinion, and being in the spotlight, it’s just so fifty-fifty here, it’s a little too crazy. And I feel like that’s what entertainment is for. You can look at it like, how superficial are we for going to this fashion show, or doing this or doing that, our country is at war, and we’re sitting here having cocktails and wearing pretty dresses and talking about fashion. but part of it is that, that’s why people are out there. You can’t sit in front of the TV constatntly 24 hours and watch CNN. Sometimes we need to take a break or we’re just going to go insane, and that’s why entertainment is there, to take you away from reality. Give you some kind of escape just for a minute, let me relax and think about other things. It doesn’t mean you don’t have to be involved and educated about what’s going on inside your country and outside but still, it’s that thing that takes you away and out of that kind of panicked space. It gives you that release. And thta’s what it’s needed for.
K: You’ve talked in the past about “I am an entertainer.” Some people are like, I”m a rock star; I’m an artist. You seem to understand that role [of entertainer], and I guess the difference between the reality of what you really are and the escape you’re offering to people--
A: You have to understand both sides of who you are. Of course part of me is defintiely the side that loves to sit down and write music. I am an artist, yes, i think part of being an artist is being creative on your own enough to write your own music and lyrics, be involved in the creative process of making your records, thinking of new video concpets, being involved in the process of making your videos and I think that’s important in being a real artist because the word artist is so casually used nowadays. So many people go in and barely spend two seconds--the kind of artist I respect are the kind of people who are hands-on in what they do. And the reaosn i always say I’m an entertainer this and that is because a lot of time people take so seriously what you do, what you say, what you wear and how you act, and it’s just like, OK, aside form the fact that I’m just being me, it’s me as entertainer, bringing to the table what i have to offer. Don’t take it so damn seriously. When I do a video like dirrty that doesn’t mean that I go home and wear hot pants to go to the grocery store, or chaps to go have dinner somewhere. That’s me being an entertainer, that’s me being free of my inhibitions. And music gives that to me. Music gives me that release to be able to act out in other ways I wouldn’t normally do on a daily basis as a regular person, whatever. But it definitely is a side of me and I’m so happy I do have that outlet. You do get parents--and coming from my background, how they don’t understand, I’m a 22-year-old young woman now. I’m not 17 years old singing Genie In A Bottle. It’s like of course you get these people who are like Oh my God, what is she doing, why is she chaning? It’s like I’m growing up!
K: YOu get letters?
A: I’m sure you’ve heard certain things people have said about my videos, or people might not agree with certain things I do/wear/say/act, and it’s like, God, I’m growing the same way you did in your life, only you didn’t have to do it in front of a zillion cameras and people judging every move you make. the perfect example is, you know my mom does a lot of my fan club stuff, right? This was right after Dirrty, and this mother writes in and she’s telling my mom, I can’t believe thhis video, dah dah dah, I would never let my two year old watch it, this is such a far cry from what she used to be. And my mom’s like, first of all, why is your two year old watching mTV in the first place with half the things that are on it, second of all, buy your kids some Sesame St. Some things are just not meant for a younger audience. It’s just not me to try and be MR. Rogers or Parent America, or be that kind of entertainer. That’s not who I am. I do like to try to empower women in feeling comfortable with their bodies, their sexuality, who they are as a woman, not having to suppress themselves to what society wants them to be. We’re always taught since we’re little to have our legs crossed and sit a certain way. boys are allowed to be rambunctious and --I’m going on about this topic but it’s true. You ask me why I say this but it all stems from the opinions of people not accepting a girl going out there and being aggressive and powerful in her own self, her sexuality and being free about it. That’s what Dirrty was about. being free of your inhibitions. But some people just didn’t understand. Even the covers that i do sometimes, I’m a 22 year old young woman, I’m of age where I should be able to express myself artistically/creatively/otherwise.
K: I grew up in the Eighties when girls were so fucked up about their bodies, it was a huge time for body image, so many eating disorders, women’s bodies were kind of a product even worse than now. To me when I see your iconography, it’s a fine line between Madonna-esque sexual empowerment and just--
A: Being objectified as a woman?
K: Yeah.
A: Well I think that’s also what society impresse supon people--it’s not OK for a woman to stand up and be ok with her body. I always say in all my interviews, you know, this is me being myslef. I’m no saying it’s for everybody, I’m not saying you have to go out there and dress this way or even dress sexual to feel sexual. You could be covered from head to toe and be the sexiest girl in the room when half the women could be Playboy bunnies wearing practically nothing. feeling confident with what you’re doing, it comes from the inside, you know what I’m saying? I’m just saying that a woman should not be criticized--cuz I’m not out there, I’m not naked, and if you look at half the videos, it’s such a double standard. Look at D’Angelo. I mean, come on, do we know what’s going on below what the camera angle is? No, we don’t, it’s obvious he’s supposed to be naked. [NOTE: this video is a fake-giving head video i guess...] That’s the way it looks. And you look at all these hip hop videos where girls are swinging on poles and having champagne splashed on them, whatever, and they’re obviously being objectified. They’re not in the forefront, they’re not demanding these guys to step off or whatever, and feeling in their---they’re in the guys’ environment. In my video, I’m in my environment. The guys have entered my world because I allowed them to be, basically. And in the shower scene with the girls, that’s me having fun with girls, and those girls are my good friends to, besides from--I would never do something that I would be uncomfortable with. And I think that anybody that looks at that and is like Oh my god that’s horrible for women this and that, i think that they have almost been brainwashed by society to the point where I’m supposed to look at that and be offended, because---because what? Because I’m up there not being objectified? I’m not being objectified. Nobody’s around me pushing my head down on the ground, nobody’s doing anything to me, I’m up on the forefront, singing my song--I’m boxing. There’s a thing where it’s tough and sexy at the same time. I’m not being all playboy bunny about it, and that’s not my thing either. {luaghs to herself] Like the [fashion show] last night. I loved it but I felt like I was going to the damn prom. You know what I’m saying? You saw my outfit. i was at the prom. Or I was a little mermaid. You know. Anyway. If you listen to any of the lyrics on my album you obviously know I’m down with the girls and i’m a girl’s girl.
K: We don’t have to keep talking about this!
A: I’m open to not talking about whatever--I don’t care what we talk about but I don’t like to shield anything. the more it’s spoken about it the more I can open people’s minds to understanding how society does brainwash you into thinking a girl who’s confident in her body---and you know, a lot of times when girls say that, it’s because they’re threatened. People are threatened by a girl that is so confident in her body. But whatever shape or size or body type you are you should be comfortable with whatever you are. And that’s just me being comfortable with me. Why criticize something you can’t understand or something you feel threatened by?
K: Yeah, but the other thing is you have a perfect body.
A: Not really but thank you. I’ve just entered the world of realizing you can’t eat everything you want all the time. That wonderful world--absolutely. I do have a trainer because I box in real life and I’m trying to get my stamina built up for tour, cause it’s a whole different ballgame when you go on tour you know? So getting all that said and done, it’s like, oh my gosh my body reacts differently if I eat certain things. Cause I’ve always been used to--my metabolism and my body type’s always been petite, you know?
K: Not to kiss your ass, but you look so much more beautiful and healthy and real than you did three or four years ago.
A: I do like having more meat on my body. I’m very comfortable being thicker. For a while there I was being so overworked and I had people trying to cash me in for a quick buck. My manager and everyone around me. Those people are obviously not in my life anymore but that’s also why i was thinner than i wanted to be at that time, I was being so overworked and having the wrong people around me wanting to cash in.
[[we got interrupted here and lost that track--which sucks!]]
K: As “Entertainer,” how do you deal with the weird energy you have to absorb from thousand of people needing to escape from escape and having their own shit and putting it on you when you’re onstage?
A: When I’m onstage that’s usually my best moments, because usually the people in the audience wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want to see me perform. So i get love and that’s when I feel the most support and feel that coming back to me. Being onstage is my favorite thing ever. that’s where I feel most at home and comfortable. Being in a studio is very confining, I don’t like it as much, the headpohones and the mic are so distancing--it’s just i don’t like it, It’s claustrophobic. being in a room with nobody to interact with or play off of. I love live performing. That’s what i live for.
I love creating the tour and the vibe, and this record being so personal and having written pretty much all of it, sharing my heart, spilling my heart on this record, which i really did, everything is true, and comes from a personal experience, that’s why i called it Stripped. It’s about being emotionally stripped down from anything you may have thought of me and it’s just me telling my own story., And you get iut. You get a lot of raw stuff on there with songs like “I’m OK” and whatnot. I’m going to love interpreting all the visual things with the lyeics i have to offer. So jamie and i are working close with that.
but where I do feel the pressure is just---I don’t know, i learned early on that you cannot please everyone at the same time. It’s absolutely impossible. everybody doesn’t have the same tastes. It’s one of the things that disappointed me about this business is how superficial it really is. You hear all these things, you know it’s coming if you make it to that level of success mand all eyes are on you. but you really don’t realize how much until you’re really there. And it’s just really disappointing. I try to stay as close to my upbringing and my ground as possible, and then you have all these stories either blowing a situation out of proportion or you get other females talking shit about you and it’s just like, Man! Why? You didn’t do anything to necessarily provoke--some of these people you didn’t even meet before. And it’s just like, why do you have to be so negative? there’s so much negativity. And that’s why they do it, because it sells them their magazines. cause people don’t care so much about how pretty someone is, how sweet, how endearing they are. they wanna hear dirt. And that’s why tabloids are such big sellers, and why Us Magazine has basically changed --it used to be a little more respectable, and now it’s just totally gone to a totally glossed out tabloid. It’s sad. That’s what’s disappointing. It’s just something you learn you cannot take personally. The pressure comes whenever you do get so much put upon your shoulders to be here, to act a certain way--and as a female it’s lot more pressure. I was actually talking to the kid in Good Charlotte, benji, and I was like, yeah, i have to be at this shoot blah blah blah, and it’s just like people sometimes expect me to be so--when I walk into a shoot--in an interview I’m different because it’s more intimate and personable and I’m kind of introverted and I usually don’t talk so much. but whenevr I was into a room I kind of walk with my hat down low, whatever, whenever I’m not in the spotlight. And a lot of people expect me to walk up to them and be like, Hi! How ya doing! And I’m just not like that. I’m more of a shy keep to myself kind of person. Especially whenever you’ve had years of people wanting so much from you. You just get kind of shy.
But when I’m onstage it’s all worthwhile. And that’s when you remember what you’re in it for, and you can support your family. My mom has gone through it--we’ve always had financial problems and whatnot and it’s a blessing that I’m able to give her her dream life now. I bought her a house and my grandma a house. That’s why I’m in it. that’s what really matters. Not what somebody said about your damn hair in some article. It’s all bullshit. And you’ve got to remember why you got in it in the first place. And I got in it because I love it. When i’m singing that’s when I’m the most in my own element--I’m free. It’s always been my expression. And being on that stage and feeling that love, that’s what i do it for. No other reason. And that’s what i just have to keep reminding myself. because i’m human and sometimes I’ll read an article and laugh but sometimes, after a while you definitely have your days where you have to break down for a second. Like, shit, when does it end? But it doesn’t. You gotta keep toughing it out and remembring the good stuff.
K: When you say ‘I have to remind myself I’m giving my mom her dream life’ and all this stuff, it almost sounds like a routine, like, you’re convincing yourself. You still totally want to be a superstar, right?
A: Oh my gosh, well... I love the fact that--sorry if this sounds cheesy or whatever, but I love the fact that i can reach people and i do have messages in my music. through domestic violence, what I went through, I love speaking about that reaching people, helping people. I promised myself if I ever made it to a place a success--back in the day, i was 15, I was praying on my balcony in westberg(?) Pennsylvania. I said if I make it to that place one of my goals is to give back and really try to spread the word and build shelters, which I’m getting to now, in honor of my mom, in honor of other people going through it that need that voice to tell them it’s ok.
K: That kicks ass. You adopted one shelter in Pittsburgh, right?
A: yeah we’re doing it now--I think it’s called the Greater, uh--we’re just getting into it now and my mom is very active since I can’t be there all the time, and she loves being an activist. She just got back form speaking in DC about this and her own experiences, and she wants to write a book about it. And that’s where i get it from--empowering women and making them feel like we are equal. And if you’re in a situation like that, you’re better than to stay in it. And it’s a whole psychological thing--the biggest question asked is always, why don’t you just leave, right? But ti’s like there’s a whole mental abuse that is like--and if you have kids, how are you going to support them if you possibly don’t have much of an education or college experience background, whatever. It’s tough. And they just get your confidence to such a [makes finger gesture] this big, you have the lowest self-esteem, and you’re beat up and forced, basically brainwashed to believe after a while that you can’t make it without them. It’s messed up.
There’s all kinds of different forms of it, but you’ve got to recognize that you’re worth a hell of a lot more than that. And it happens to men too, women can definitely be that way too I’m not going to void out the men completely. But it’s something i’m very passionate about. And that’s why I went to the thing last night, giving 50 grand to the shelter [UNCLEAR IF SHE OR SPONSOR GILLETTE IS]
Kate: I get so bummed out by pop icons like J. Lo, who have no message--there’s no message, there’s no there there. It’s just, it’s me, and I’m fabulous!
A: Yeah, I just read Us, there was some dumb article [about me]--I don’t buy it but someone on the Versace set had it--and i look on my page, right, cause I always like to just look at it and see how sensationalized and stupid it is, so I’m looking and apparently someone had asked [a certain pop star] about the war, “So what are your views on the war?” And she said, “Oh, i don’t really think about that kind of stuff. I leave it up to him”--and she points to [her boyfriend]. I understand if you don’t want to get involved in that and say I’d rather keep my opinions to myself or something. but to admit you don’t have any opnion of what’s going on in your country and the world? I was just like, wow. How can you say something like that? OK, you’re an entertainer, but it just really bothers me when people don’t have brains. And when they just don’t think about things. And then openly admit it! So what, i’m just here to look pretty and entertain? It’s just deeper than that to me, you know?
K: Do you feel conscious of that element--a lot of female icons, part of their iconography is their attachment to a male, with the exception of Madonna: Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain, Britney and Justin, J. Lo and Ben, even Gwen and Gavin. Is that something you think about?
A: it’s really funny you bring this one up because I guess the press has started getting ahold of the fact that I’ve been dating this guy for a minute, and he’s like a regular guy. It was one of those boxes on the cover of us, and I havent’ said a word so far so somebody said somehting. But it just disappoints me. this is another example of how superficial everyone is, becuase it was a whole article on how he was just some regular guy, Christina’s dating a “mellow” guy, which basically means not in the game, their sweeter way of saying boring. OK, why turn it into a negative just becuase I’m not all into hanging on somebody’s arm just because they’re a star. Or just because I’m not a starfucker, and I don’t want to be. I support myself. i don’t have to get with somebody for money. And there’s so much of that in Hollywood. It’s just like, OK, why not give me props for wanting to be, or accepting to be with a normal guy? I don’t need all that. And so far I really haven’t found anyone in the business--and I haven’t met that many--but i find guys that aren’t in the spotlight to be a little more interesting. They give me something. And maybe I’ll marry a celebrity someday, who knows. But it’s sad. And sometimes it’s so damn obvious that certain people are together just to be in the spotlight and make the cover of some magazine. It’s just so superficial and so disappointing. Dissing this guy for being regular, for not being a star, how messed up is our world when they’re talking about this shit, and yes, a war is going on? At least entertainment is entertainment, but why do you have to be so negative? Why do you have to spit out so much negativity? that takes energy to be negative and think up negative things.
K: I think it’s usually a story like they’re supporting their kids so they have some shitty fucking editor job at a horrible magazine--in my experience that’s their rationalization for it.
A: really?
K: yeah becuase how could anybody believe in those jobs?
A: Exactly. But I feel bad. That karma, that shit’s got to come back to you. If you put it out there and spend so much time putting energy into figuring out a diss or a slam or somehting negative, like they go home at night and they sleep and they’re like, that was my job for the day. but they don’t understand that can affect people’s lives, people;s relationships and people’s hearts. It’s got to come back to you. you’re affecting people. And people in middle America they’re going to read it and they don’t know what to believe.
K: you shouldn’t care abou those people
a: well obviously you have to learn to put up a wall, but you’re human and every once in a while you get one that’s going to hit you and you’re like, damn.
And when I do have those moments, i get mad, like, Christina, you just got back from doing the damn Versace ads and you’re having fun and getitng to do all this stuff, it’s like why are you letitng this stupid thing bother you? I get mad at myself. there’s so much to be thankful for and you’re letting this stupid article. We’re just human, You can get a thousand compliments on how pretty your outfit is, and it’s that one [diss] that’s like, and even though you’re like Oh I don’t care, it’ll stay right here.
K: It’s corrosive but it’s usually their own shit their projecting into you. but shit i’m running out of time!
have you ever heard Laura Nyro and LaBelle album “Gonna Take A Miracle”?
A: No.
K: Good, cause I brought it for you. (Then I go on to explain the album)
A; that’s dope thank you so much! I love checking out new music.
K: it’s out of print now i think
A: how’d you get it?
K: my sister always had it when we were growing up.
A: really? that’s cool. so you’ve always been a music fan?
K: yeah--you’re probably into Sarah Vaughan too right?
A: Sarah vaughan? OK, remind me...
K: OK, here i brought this for you too!
A: Oh, ok, ok.
K: You know, she was one of the great jazz divas along side Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald... one of the great black female singers after the blues singers, you know like, whatername... who’s that super famous woman blues singer from the ‘20s,
A: Which one?
K: not Ma Rainey, but the other one, she was a lesbain or bisexual and she was kind of fat and amazing--bessie Smith!
A: a lesbian? i don’t know about that.
K: [later after the interview I rememebered and I went to the bathroom and told her] It’s Bessie Smith!
A: You really know your blues singers.
K: What was the happiest moment of your life?
A: Giggles. Oh gosh. these are such broad questions.
K: Is that broad?
A: Your entire life? What’s yours?
K: Mine? New year’s Eve 1999 I fell in love.
A: Wow, you did? I’ve never had a good New Year’s Eve.
K: yeah.
A: Aww, how cute! That’s sweet. that’s a really good one. That’s so beautiful. i love that.
K: But what about you?
A: I’d have to split it up between personal and career. My favorite career moent has been the shock, because it was so shocking and crazy, of winnin gmy first Grammy. [best new Artist]. you only get one shot at it your entire life, and I’d had less singles out that the toher artists that i was up against. i was like, there’s no way, and i totally wrote it off in my mind, there was no way. i was just going to show up and be glad I was nominated and congratulate the person who won and that was that. There were three women up there--melissa Etheridge and i can’t remember the other two, but when they said my name I didn’t even get up. i had to be pushed out of my seat because I was so fucking shocked. My knees were buckling and I had no speech prepared. It was one of those on a whim amazing amazing moments, in front of all these people in the industry you look up to, when you don’t expect it whatsoever. That was a pretty amazing feeling. And i think just happy days in my life, like Christmas morning. Christmas morning is the best for me. probably one of the happiest ones was seven years old, I’d wake up andSanta Clause came, you know what i mean? You go downstairs, and my family is so into Chrsitmas, and my mom and everything, and i love it too
K: Mine too! She still does Santa!
A: My mom does too! Well I have a little brother who’s six, and it’s fun to keep it alive with him. It’s so much fun. and pretty soon now we have the Easter bunner coming! It’s gonna be so much fun.
K: SO tell me about Chrsitmas when you were seven
A; Well it was just me--after my parents had just split andit was me and my mom and we were living at my grandma’s house, i was raised by my mom and my grandma. I would wake up, the first one awake, and I ran downstairs and the tree was all lit up and the presents were under the tree--it’s just, oyu know.... just a warm, cozy sight. Then i ran back up and got everybody up. It’s that thing when you’re a kid and you’re so anticipating it, and it’s finally there, it’s all under the tree, that whole magical, mystical feeling that Santa was there, you know?
That’s what comes to mind whenever I think of really happy, happy times.
K: I’ll buy that.
A: It’s not a love thing. Yours is more exciting, cause it’s so like, wow, your first love on new years! Of all nights too! I’ve never had a good New Years!
K: I know, usually new years sucks.
I wanted to ask you about “Loving me For Me”--I think it was abou tGod?
A: It took you to that spiritual place! Actually that song was written about my very first experience with love. Why it was such a big deal for me to fall in love was because, maybe it was from my past, never having that father fgure, never really experiencing any kind of love from a male, like real love, and i was so always since I was six seven years old, performing, and entertaining in public--it was such a thing. there was nothing else I ever wnated to do but be a singer and do what I’m doing now. So being so focused on my career, i was never one of those girls in high school who was so goo goo eyed over boys, i was very much like, even if a guy liked me I was like, well, i travel a lot. I was very worldly by the time i was even in eighth grade. And watching what my mom went through, I was just like, I don’t get it. i don’t get the whole love thing. Why would you want to fall in love? I was very like, i want to do for myself. i don’t want to depend on a guy, i don’t ever want to let a guy hurt me. I looked at it almost as a game. i didn’t get it, I didn’t get anything about it. Why would you want to give up things for some guy?
but then when I finally fell in love--the song reperesents the beauty that i felt for the first time of like wanting to give to another person, and share that love, and getitng it back, and me being in the spotlight, it was like, this guy truly just loved me for me. he was just basically down for me. It was amazing. That’s why there’s a poem at the ending. He loves me without makeup. I never really like my freckles to show, it’s my own thing, whatever. Anyway I’m growing into my freckles.
K: Are you wearing foundation?
A: Yeah a little bit to cover them. I’m glad you didn’t notice. but anyway, yeah, he just loved me and itruly truly loved him and adored him and just wanted not to give up what i was doing or anything drastic but just to share my life. It was an amazing feleing to let go of that aggression and defense mechanism towards men because of my past. that’s what it was. breaking down all that and experiencieng love for the first time. And that’s why at the beginning of the song I go, that’s why [that prelude] is called Love’s embrace, it’s like, ‘I once was so afraid of love’s embrace,’ you know what i mean? i was so defensive. I didn’t want a guy to tell me what to do.
K: What’s so weird is that there’s such a liberation in actually giving to another person and being drawn out of your own narcissism.
A: Absolutely. It’s a freedom. Freeing yourself of your own fears and demons.
So that’s what I learned.
K: Do you have any musical guilty pleasures?
A: Like what are we talking about?
K: Like really bad music that you like.
A: [cracks up] Oh my gosh this is such a crazy question for you to ask. Yeah, i do, and I can’t believe I’m admitting it. Actually if you look at it it’s really well produced and it works for what it is, but it’s so--when you
Kate:... I liked Pink when I met her.
A: You caught her on a good day.
K: Really?
A: I guess, yeah. She’s very--like, we all can have our good days aND OUr bad days. I found her to be very, like, sometimes i’ll see her and she’ll be cool and we’ve had great times before and whatnot, and then I’ll read something in a magazine and I’m like, hmm, that’s not very cool, or whatever. And then I’ll see her and she act completely like--just, you never know with some people. But that’s how I find her to be. I’m glad you found her to be sweet.
I don’t talk to her.
K: I’m not sure what the timing is on this piece. is there something you want to talk about?
A: The things going on in my life right now are returning from new york, of course the versace ad campaign that’s coming up in the fall, which i’m really excited about. Something new and different for me, kind of coming into the fashion world, kind of another element of the industry, where I was actually a model. So it was a little different for me. And of course there’s the tour coming up with ustin., Our first date with be June 4th. In the states we’ll start and then I’ll go off separately by myself in Europe. I haven’t really put a concert date for sale out there at all in the market, so having a tour in Europe is new to me, Then I think we’re going to be in Japan and South America, so it’s a big one. this is the biggest one to date. It’ll be exciting.
K: You’ve never toured solo in Europe?
A: I’ve done promo but as far as doing my own concert with dancers, set design and all this you know, I’ve never done it beofre. So it’ll be exciting, you know? And I’m getting to work with Jamie King, who I love his work.
K: Is he a choreographer?
A: He started as a choreographer but he doesn’t really do that anymore. He’s a set designer and his ideas are amazing. He did Madonna’s Drowned World tour and a lot of her things and her videos, and Janet--the big ones you like to see. And I love his work so I’m excited.
K: Does it feel weird to be going on tour when there’s a war going on and America’s image is weird right now internationally?
A: Um, it’s definitely a weird time in any sense just because no mater what you’re doing, the economy is affected, people’s jobs and everything. I say if you at least can get out there and do something and you have a job, I feel lucky that I have that security of knowing I do have a secure place financially to go out, and tickets are selling, thank God for that. It is weird but I can’t really look at the negative and be like, Oh ny God, let em stay in the house and lock all the doors. I’ve heard of artists and people not wanting to fly out to certain places before the war started just becuase of what was going on and the idea that it might start, or terrorism at any moment. But I cna’t live in fear, youknow, like that’s just not me. If I would make the decision not to get on a plane tomorrow, then i could go down the street, go shopping for some bread and some milk and get killed in a car accident. You never know. Anythign could happen. So I can’t live in fear that way. So i’m OK with it basically..
K: Last night being at the fashion show part of me was going like, there’s a fucking war. Shit’s going on and we’re wearing dresses and being hot--how do you feel about what you do in the context of all this super heavy hardcore stuff going on?
A: I think that’s why entertainment is important first of all--we’re not the ones in there with Bush making the decisions to go or not. We all have our own opinions, of course, I definitely have my own opinions, which I prefer not to speak about just because everyone has their own opinion, and being in the spotlight, it’s just so fifty-fifty here, it’s a little too crazy. And I feel like that’s what entertainment is for. You can look at it like, how superficial are we for going to this fashion show, or doing this or doing that, our country is at war, and we’re sitting here having cocktails and wearing pretty dresses and talking about fashion. but part of it is that, that’s why people are out there. You can’t sit in front of the TV constatntly 24 hours and watch CNN. Sometimes we need to take a break or we’re just going to go insane, and that’s why entertainment is there, to take you away from reality. Give you some kind of escape just for a minute, let me relax and think about other things. It doesn’t mean you don’t have to be involved and educated about what’s going on inside your country and outside but still, it’s that thing that takes you away and out of that kind of panicked space. It gives you that release. And thta’s what it’s needed for.
K: You’ve talked in the past about “I am an entertainer.” Some people are like, I”m a rock star; I’m an artist. You seem to understand that role [of entertainer], and I guess the difference between the reality of what you really are and the escape you’re offering to people--
A: You have to understand both sides of who you are. Of course part of me is defintiely the side that loves to sit down and write music. I am an artist, yes, i think part of being an artist is being creative on your own enough to write your own music and lyrics, be involved in the creative process of making your records, thinking of new video concpets, being involved in the process of making your videos and I think that’s important in being a real artist because the word artist is so casually used nowadays. So many people go in and barely spend two seconds--the kind of artist I respect are the kind of people who are hands-on in what they do. And the reaosn i always say I’m an entertainer this and that is because a lot of time people take so seriously what you do, what you say, what you wear and how you act, and it’s just like, OK, aside form the fact that I’m just being me, it’s me as entertainer, bringing to the table what i have to offer. Don’t take it so damn seriously. When I do a video like dirrty that doesn’t mean that I go home and wear hot pants to go to the grocery store, or chaps to go have dinner somewhere. That’s me being an entertainer, that’s me being free of my inhibitions. And music gives that to me. Music gives me that release to be able to act out in other ways I wouldn’t normally do on a daily basis as a regular person, whatever. But it definitely is a side of me and I’m so happy I do have that outlet. You do get parents--and coming from my background, how they don’t understand, I’m a 22-year-old young woman now. I’m not 17 years old singing Genie In A Bottle. It’s like of course you get these people who are like Oh my God, what is she doing, why is she chaning? It’s like I’m growing up!
K: YOu get letters?
A: I’m sure you’ve heard certain things people have said about my videos, or people might not agree with certain things I do/wear/say/act, and it’s like, God, I’m growing the same way you did in your life, only you didn’t have to do it in front of a zillion cameras and people judging every move you make. the perfect example is, you know my mom does a lot of my fan club stuff, right? This was right after Dirrty, and this mother writes in and she’s telling my mom, I can’t believe thhis video, dah dah dah, I would never let my two year old watch it, this is such a far cry from what she used to be. And my mom’s like, first of all, why is your two year old watching mTV in the first place with half the things that are on it, second of all, buy your kids some Sesame St. Some things are just not meant for a younger audience. It’s just not me to try and be MR. Rogers or Parent America, or be that kind of entertainer. That’s not who I am. I do like to try to empower women in feeling comfortable with their bodies, their sexuality, who they are as a woman, not having to suppress themselves to what society wants them to be. We’re always taught since we’re little to have our legs crossed and sit a certain way. boys are allowed to be rambunctious and --I’m going on about this topic but it’s true. You ask me why I say this but it all stems from the opinions of people not accepting a girl going out there and being aggressive and powerful in her own self, her sexuality and being free about it. That’s what Dirrty was about. being free of your inhibitions. But some people just didn’t understand. Even the covers that i do sometimes, I’m a 22 year old young woman, I’m of age where I should be able to express myself artistically/creatively/otherwise.
K: I grew up in the Eighties when girls were so fucked up about their bodies, it was a huge time for body image, so many eating disorders, women’s bodies were kind of a product even worse than now. To me when I see your iconography, it’s a fine line between Madonna-esque sexual empowerment and just--
A: Being objectified as a woman?
K: Yeah.
A: Well I think that’s also what society impresse supon people--it’s not OK for a woman to stand up and be ok with her body. I always say in all my interviews, you know, this is me being myslef. I’m no saying it’s for everybody, I’m not saying you have to go out there and dress this way or even dress sexual to feel sexual. You could be covered from head to toe and be the sexiest girl in the room when half the women could be Playboy bunnies wearing practically nothing. feeling confident with what you’re doing, it comes from the inside, you know what I’m saying? I’m just saying that a woman should not be criticized--cuz I’m not out there, I’m not naked, and if you look at half the videos, it’s such a double standard. Look at D’Angelo. I mean, come on, do we know what’s going on below what the camera angle is? No, we don’t, it’s obvious he’s supposed to be naked. [NOTE: this video is a fake-giving head video i guess...] That’s the way it looks. And you look at all these hip hop videos where girls are swinging on poles and having champagne splashed on them, whatever, and they’re obviously being objectified. They’re not in the forefront, they’re not demanding these guys to step off or whatever, and feeling in their---they’re in the guys’ environment. In my video, I’m in my environment. The guys have entered my world because I allowed them to be, basically. And in the shower scene with the girls, that’s me having fun with girls, and those girls are my good friends to, besides from--I would never do something that I would be uncomfortable with. And I think that anybody that looks at that and is like Oh my god that’s horrible for women this and that, i think that they have almost been brainwashed by society to the point where I’m supposed to look at that and be offended, because---because what? Because I’m up there not being objectified? I’m not being objectified. Nobody’s around me pushing my head down on the ground, nobody’s doing anything to me, I’m up on the forefront, singing my song--I’m boxing. There’s a thing where it’s tough and sexy at the same time. I’m not being all playboy bunny about it, and that’s not my thing either. {luaghs to herself] Like the [fashion show] last night. I loved it but I felt like I was going to the damn prom. You know what I’m saying? You saw my outfit. i was at the prom. Or I was a little mermaid. You know. Anyway. If you listen to any of the lyrics on my album you obviously know I’m down with the girls and i’m a girl’s girl.
K: We don’t have to keep talking about this!
A: I’m open to not talking about whatever--I don’t care what we talk about but I don’t like to shield anything. the more it’s spoken about it the more I can open people’s minds to understanding how society does brainwash you into thinking a girl who’s confident in her body---and you know, a lot of times when girls say that, it’s because they’re threatened. People are threatened by a girl that is so confident in her body. But whatever shape or size or body type you are you should be comfortable with whatever you are. And that’s just me being comfortable with me. Why criticize something you can’t understand or something you feel threatened by?
K: Yeah, but the other thing is you have a perfect body.
A: Not really but thank you. I’ve just entered the world of realizing you can’t eat everything you want all the time. That wonderful world--absolutely. I do have a trainer because I box in real life and I’m trying to get my stamina built up for tour, cause it’s a whole different ballgame when you go on tour you know? So getting all that said and done, it’s like, oh my gosh my body reacts differently if I eat certain things. Cause I’ve always been used to--my metabolism and my body type’s always been petite, you know?
K: Not to kiss your ass, but you look so much more beautiful and healthy and real than you did three or four years ago.
A: I do like having more meat on my body. I’m very comfortable being thicker. For a while there I was being so overworked and I had people trying to cash me in for a quick buck. My manager and everyone around me. Those people are obviously not in my life anymore but that’s also why i was thinner than i wanted to be at that time, I was being so overworked and having the wrong people around me wanting to cash in.
[[we got interrupted here and lost that track--which sucks!]]
K: As “Entertainer,” how do you deal with the weird energy you have to absorb from thousand of people needing to escape from escape and having their own shit and putting it on you when you’re onstage?
A: When I’m onstage that’s usually my best moments, because usually the people in the audience wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want to see me perform. So i get love and that’s when I feel the most support and feel that coming back to me. Being onstage is my favorite thing ever. that’s where I feel most at home and comfortable. Being in a studio is very confining, I don’t like it as much, the headpohones and the mic are so distancing--it’s just i don’t like it, It’s claustrophobic. being in a room with nobody to interact with or play off of. I love live performing. That’s what i live for.
I love creating the tour and the vibe, and this record being so personal and having written pretty much all of it, sharing my heart, spilling my heart on this record, which i really did, everything is true, and comes from a personal experience, that’s why i called it Stripped. It’s about being emotionally stripped down from anything you may have thought of me and it’s just me telling my own story., And you get iut. You get a lot of raw stuff on there with songs like “I’m OK” and whatnot. I’m going to love interpreting all the visual things with the lyeics i have to offer. So jamie and i are working close with that.
but where I do feel the pressure is just---I don’t know, i learned early on that you cannot please everyone at the same time. It’s absolutely impossible. everybody doesn’t have the same tastes. It’s one of the things that disappointed me about this business is how superficial it really is. You hear all these things, you know it’s coming if you make it to that level of success mand all eyes are on you. but you really don’t realize how much until you’re really there. And it’s just really disappointing. I try to stay as close to my upbringing and my ground as possible, and then you have all these stories either blowing a situation out of proportion or you get other females talking shit about you and it’s just like, Man! Why? You didn’t do anything to necessarily provoke--some of these people you didn’t even meet before. And it’s just like, why do you have to be so negative? there’s so much negativity. And that’s why they do it, because it sells them their magazines. cause people don’t care so much about how pretty someone is, how sweet, how endearing they are. they wanna hear dirt. And that’s why tabloids are such big sellers, and why Us Magazine has basically changed --it used to be a little more respectable, and now it’s just totally gone to a totally glossed out tabloid. It’s sad. That’s what’s disappointing. It’s just something you learn you cannot take personally. The pressure comes whenever you do get so much put upon your shoulders to be here, to act a certain way--and as a female it’s lot more pressure. I was actually talking to the kid in Good Charlotte, benji, and I was like, yeah, i have to be at this shoot blah blah blah, and it’s just like people sometimes expect me to be so--when I walk into a shoot--in an interview I’m different because it’s more intimate and personable and I’m kind of introverted and I usually don’t talk so much. but whenevr I was into a room I kind of walk with my hat down low, whatever, whenever I’m not in the spotlight. And a lot of people expect me to walk up to them and be like, Hi! How ya doing! And I’m just not like that. I’m more of a shy keep to myself kind of person. Especially whenever you’ve had years of people wanting so much from you. You just get kind of shy.
But when I’m onstage it’s all worthwhile. And that’s when you remember what you’re in it for, and you can support your family. My mom has gone through it--we’ve always had financial problems and whatnot and it’s a blessing that I’m able to give her her dream life now. I bought her a house and my grandma a house. That’s why I’m in it. that’s what really matters. Not what somebody said about your damn hair in some article. It’s all bullshit. And you’ve got to remember why you got in it in the first place. And I got in it because I love it. When i’m singing that’s when I’m the most in my own element--I’m free. It’s always been my expression. And being on that stage and feeling that love, that’s what i do it for. No other reason. And that’s what i just have to keep reminding myself. because i’m human and sometimes I’ll read an article and laugh but sometimes, after a while you definitely have your days where you have to break down for a second. Like, shit, when does it end? But it doesn’t. You gotta keep toughing it out and remembring the good stuff.
K: When you say ‘I have to remind myself I’m giving my mom her dream life’ and all this stuff, it almost sounds like a routine, like, you’re convincing yourself. You still totally want to be a superstar, right?
A: Oh my gosh, well... I love the fact that--sorry if this sounds cheesy or whatever, but I love the fact that i can reach people and i do have messages in my music. through domestic violence, what I went through, I love speaking about that reaching people, helping people. I promised myself if I ever made it to a place a success--back in the day, i was 15, I was praying on my balcony in westberg(?) Pennsylvania. I said if I make it to that place one of my goals is to give back and really try to spread the word and build shelters, which I’m getting to now, in honor of my mom, in honor of other people going through it that need that voice to tell them it’s ok.
K: That kicks ass. You adopted one shelter in Pittsburgh, right?
A: yeah we’re doing it now--I think it’s called the Greater, uh--we’re just getting into it now and my mom is very active since I can’t be there all the time, and she loves being an activist. She just got back form speaking in DC about this and her own experiences, and she wants to write a book about it. And that’s where i get it from--empowering women and making them feel like we are equal. And if you’re in a situation like that, you’re better than to stay in it. And it’s a whole psychological thing--the biggest question asked is always, why don’t you just leave, right? But ti’s like there’s a whole mental abuse that is like--and if you have kids, how are you going to support them if you possibly don’t have much of an education or college experience background, whatever. It’s tough. And they just get your confidence to such a [makes finger gesture] this big, you have the lowest self-esteem, and you’re beat up and forced, basically brainwashed to believe after a while that you can’t make it without them. It’s messed up.
There’s all kinds of different forms of it, but you’ve got to recognize that you’re worth a hell of a lot more than that. And it happens to men too, women can definitely be that way too I’m not going to void out the men completely. But it’s something i’m very passionate about. And that’s why I went to the thing last night, giving 50 grand to the shelter [UNCLEAR IF SHE OR SPONSOR GILLETTE IS]
Kate: I get so bummed out by pop icons like J. Lo, who have no message--there’s no message, there’s no there there. It’s just, it’s me, and I’m fabulous!
A: Yeah, I just read Us, there was some dumb article [about me]--I don’t buy it but someone on the Versace set had it--and i look on my page, right, cause I always like to just look at it and see how sensationalized and stupid it is, so I’m looking and apparently someone had asked [a certain pop star] about the war, “So what are your views on the war?” And she said, “Oh, i don’t really think about that kind of stuff. I leave it up to him”--and she points to [her boyfriend]. I understand if you don’t want to get involved in that and say I’d rather keep my opinions to myself or something. but to admit you don’t have any opnion of what’s going on in your country and the world? I was just like, wow. How can you say something like that? OK, you’re an entertainer, but it just really bothers me when people don’t have brains. And when they just don’t think about things. And then openly admit it! So what, i’m just here to look pretty and entertain? It’s just deeper than that to me, you know?
K: Do you feel conscious of that element--a lot of female icons, part of their iconography is their attachment to a male, with the exception of Madonna: Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain, Britney and Justin, J. Lo and Ben, even Gwen and Gavin. Is that something you think about?
A: it’s really funny you bring this one up because I guess the press has started getting ahold of the fact that I’ve been dating this guy for a minute, and he’s like a regular guy. It was one of those boxes on the cover of us, and I havent’ said a word so far so somebody said somehting. But it just disappoints me. this is another example of how superficial everyone is, becuase it was a whole article on how he was just some regular guy, Christina’s dating a “mellow” guy, which basically means not in the game, their sweeter way of saying boring. OK, why turn it into a negative just becuase I’m not all into hanging on somebody’s arm just because they’re a star. Or just because I’m not a starfucker, and I don’t want to be. I support myself. i don’t have to get with somebody for money. And there’s so much of that in Hollywood. It’s just like, OK, why not give me props for wanting to be, or accepting to be with a normal guy? I don’t need all that. And so far I really haven’t found anyone in the business--and I haven’t met that many--but i find guys that aren’t in the spotlight to be a little more interesting. They give me something. And maybe I’ll marry a celebrity someday, who knows. But it’s sad. And sometimes it’s so damn obvious that certain people are together just to be in the spotlight and make the cover of some magazine. It’s just so superficial and so disappointing. Dissing this guy for being regular, for not being a star, how messed up is our world when they’re talking about this shit, and yes, a war is going on? At least entertainment is entertainment, but why do you have to be so negative? Why do you have to spit out so much negativity? that takes energy to be negative and think up negative things.
K: I think it’s usually a story like they’re supporting their kids so they have some shitty fucking editor job at a horrible magazine--in my experience that’s their rationalization for it.
A: really?
K: yeah becuase how could anybody believe in those jobs?
A: Exactly. But I feel bad. That karma, that shit’s got to come back to you. If you put it out there and spend so much time putting energy into figuring out a diss or a slam or somehting negative, like they go home at night and they sleep and they’re like, that was my job for the day. but they don’t understand that can affect people’s lives, people;s relationships and people’s hearts. It’s got to come back to you. you’re affecting people. And people in middle America they’re going to read it and they don’t know what to believe.
K: you shouldn’t care abou those people
a: well obviously you have to learn to put up a wall, but you’re human and every once in a while you get one that’s going to hit you and you’re like, damn.
And when I do have those moments, i get mad, like, Christina, you just got back from doing the damn Versace ads and you’re having fun and getitng to do all this stuff, it’s like why are you letitng this stupid thing bother you? I get mad at myself. there’s so much to be thankful for and you’re letting this stupid article. We’re just human, You can get a thousand compliments on how pretty your outfit is, and it’s that one [diss] that’s like, and even though you’re like Oh I don’t care, it’ll stay right here.
K: It’s corrosive but it’s usually their own shit their projecting into you. but shit i’m running out of time!
have you ever heard Laura Nyro and LaBelle album “Gonna Take A Miracle”?
A: No.
K: Good, cause I brought it for you. (Then I go on to explain the album)
A; that’s dope thank you so much! I love checking out new music.
K: it’s out of print now i think
A: how’d you get it?
K: my sister always had it when we were growing up.
A: really? that’s cool. so you’ve always been a music fan?
K: yeah--you’re probably into Sarah Vaughan too right?
A: Sarah vaughan? OK, remind me...
K: OK, here i brought this for you too!
A: Oh, ok, ok.
K: You know, she was one of the great jazz divas along side Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald... one of the great black female singers after the blues singers, you know like, whatername... who’s that super famous woman blues singer from the ‘20s,
A: Which one?
K: not Ma Rainey, but the other one, she was a lesbain or bisexual and she was kind of fat and amazing--bessie Smith!
A: a lesbian? i don’t know about that.
K: [later after the interview I rememebered and I went to the bathroom and told her] It’s Bessie Smith!
A: You really know your blues singers.
K: What was the happiest moment of your life?
A: Giggles. Oh gosh. these are such broad questions.
K: Is that broad?
A: Your entire life? What’s yours?
K: Mine? New year’s Eve 1999 I fell in love.
A: Wow, you did? I’ve never had a good New Year’s Eve.
K: yeah.
A: Aww, how cute! That’s sweet. that’s a really good one. That’s so beautiful. i love that.
K: But what about you?
A: I’d have to split it up between personal and career. My favorite career moent has been the shock, because it was so shocking and crazy, of winnin gmy first Grammy. [best new Artist]. you only get one shot at it your entire life, and I’d had less singles out that the toher artists that i was up against. i was like, there’s no way, and i totally wrote it off in my mind, there was no way. i was just going to show up and be glad I was nominated and congratulate the person who won and that was that. There were three women up there--melissa Etheridge and i can’t remember the other two, but when they said my name I didn’t even get up. i had to be pushed out of my seat because I was so fucking shocked. My knees were buckling and I had no speech prepared. It was one of those on a whim amazing amazing moments, in front of all these people in the industry you look up to, when you don’t expect it whatsoever. That was a pretty amazing feeling. And i think just happy days in my life, like Christmas morning. Christmas morning is the best for me. probably one of the happiest ones was seven years old, I’d wake up andSanta Clause came, you know what i mean? You go downstairs, and my family is so into Chrsitmas, and my mom and everything, and i love it too
K: Mine too! She still does Santa!
A: My mom does too! Well I have a little brother who’s six, and it’s fun to keep it alive with him. It’s so much fun. and pretty soon now we have the Easter bunner coming! It’s gonna be so much fun.
K: SO tell me about Chrsitmas when you were seven
A; Well it was just me--after my parents had just split andit was me and my mom and we were living at my grandma’s house, i was raised by my mom and my grandma. I would wake up, the first one awake, and I ran downstairs and the tree was all lit up and the presents were under the tree--it’s just, oyu know.... just a warm, cozy sight. Then i ran back up and got everybody up. It’s that thing when you’re a kid and you’re so anticipating it, and it’s finally there, it’s all under the tree, that whole magical, mystical feeling that Santa was there, you know?
That’s what comes to mind whenever I think of really happy, happy times.
K: I’ll buy that.
A: It’s not a love thing. Yours is more exciting, cause it’s so like, wow, your first love on new years! Of all nights too! I’ve never had a good New Years!
K: I know, usually new years sucks.
I wanted to ask you about “Loving me For Me”--I think it was abou tGod?
A: It took you to that spiritual place! Actually that song was written about my very first experience with love. Why it was such a big deal for me to fall in love was because, maybe it was from my past, never having that father fgure, never really experiencing any kind of love from a male, like real love, and i was so always since I was six seven years old, performing, and entertaining in public--it was such a thing. there was nothing else I ever wnated to do but be a singer and do what I’m doing now. So being so focused on my career, i was never one of those girls in high school who was so goo goo eyed over boys, i was very much like, even if a guy liked me I was like, well, i travel a lot. I was very worldly by the time i was even in eighth grade. And watching what my mom went through, I was just like, I don’t get it. i don’t get the whole love thing. Why would you want to fall in love? I was very like, i want to do for myself. i don’t want to depend on a guy, i don’t ever want to let a guy hurt me. I looked at it almost as a game. i didn’t get it, I didn’t get anything about it. Why would you want to give up things for some guy?
but then when I finally fell in love--the song reperesents the beauty that i felt for the first time of like wanting to give to another person, and share that love, and getitng it back, and me being in the spotlight, it was like, this guy truly just loved me for me. he was just basically down for me. It was amazing. That’s why there’s a poem at the ending. He loves me without makeup. I never really like my freckles to show, it’s my own thing, whatever. Anyway I’m growing into my freckles.
K: Are you wearing foundation?
A: Yeah a little bit to cover them. I’m glad you didn’t notice. but anyway, yeah, he just loved me and itruly truly loved him and adored him and just wanted not to give up what i was doing or anything drastic but just to share my life. It was an amazing feleing to let go of that aggression and defense mechanism towards men because of my past. that’s what it was. breaking down all that and experiencieng love for the first time. And that’s why at the beginning of the song I go, that’s why [that prelude] is called Love’s embrace, it’s like, ‘I once was so afraid of love’s embrace,’ you know what i mean? i was so defensive. I didn’t want a guy to tell me what to do.
K: What’s so weird is that there’s such a liberation in actually giving to another person and being drawn out of your own narcissism.
A: Absolutely. It’s a freedom. Freeing yourself of your own fears and demons.
So that’s what I learned.
K: Do you have any musical guilty pleasures?
A: Like what are we talking about?
K: Like really bad music that you like.
A: [cracks up] Oh my gosh this is such a crazy question for you to ask. Yeah, i do, and I can’t believe I’m admitting it. Actually if you look at it it’s really well produced and it works for what it is, but it’s so--when you
