Sunday, March 09, 2003

Hello, You Total Betty:

If it weren't for procrastination, I wouldn't ever get anything done. When I'm on deadline, instead of working, I clean my house and do laundry. When my house is messy and I don't want to clean it, I practice guitar. And when I am feeling lazy and don't want to practice guitar or clean, I work on writing articles.

When things are really bad and I don't want to do any of that, I clean my car and get the oil changed.

Blogging is a constant, everyday form of procrastination on Everything.

Like right now. I really should be transcribing an interview due tomorrow. I have oodles of work to do.

I went to a party Friday night with these guys I am writing an article about. At this party, the drunken conversation naturally turned to butts, as it should. These guys told me I have a black ass. This is nothing new, since me and my GFs have always had big ole butts and always referred to them as black asses. ("Black ass singing in the dead of night...") The difference is that these guys who said this were actually black. I can tell you, the honor of this touched my heart and put a little strut in my step today. The other funny biological thing that happened last week was that after examining me, my new gyno (a 60 year old man) goes, "You're a very healthy woman. You've got all the right tools and they're in all the right places."

Can you beat that? Not hardly.

I told my 89 year old friend Lydia about the ass thing tonight and she demanded a look at my butt. She said, That's a decent ass. You should be proud of that ass.

So probably I should really do some work now. Or I could do the other superfun form of procrastination, and go to sleep.

But before I do, a grammatical question. My friend told me yesterday that it's grammatically correct to say "tragical" and "ironical" and "poetical." It's not necessary to do that, and it sounds really cool and goofy, but it's actually good English. OK. Fine. But then he said that it's also OK to say "funner." He said this with conviction and commitment. What do you think? I don't really give a fuck because "funner" is the best word since "ironical," and I'll say it no matter what. But I'm wondering if anyone has proof either way.

In other news, my dog was recently anointed President for Life of the Intergalactical Council on Fluffiness. We're very proud of him, but he's much busier now, so please don't be offended if he doesn't answer his cell all the time. Just leave a voice mail and he'll get back to you eventually.

Veronically yours,


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