Thursday, February 27, 2003

Got Some More Truly Important Remedies for Mild Depression (or "mil-dep"):

1. Stick a cordless phone antenna in your eye. (Hey, it's better than a sharp stick.)

2. For once, be the person other people are jealous of: For example, make a bunch of yummy buttery popcorn and then walk around your apartment complex with the bowl, saying really loud, "I am just loving this hot buttered popcorn."

3. Every time you look in the mirror, say, "I am pretty fantastic, oh yes I am, and if I had been born in 1880, I would be 123 by now."

4. Pretend you have a magic star hanging over your head, shining like a beacon into the void. Try to pick up radio signals with it. If you hear something good, do your little dance. You know the one.

5. Write yourself a love letter (including your phone number) and mail it to yourself. When you receive the letter, call yourself up. If you get voice mail, leave a message. Keep leaving messages until you hear back. And if you never hear back, well, I guess it's pretty obvious you're dealing with a game-player.

6. Play a fun trick on your friends by inviting them over for a John Lennon Seance, with a fake medium and everything. But when the medium starts to do the channeling thing, make sure the channeler has a really bad fake Liverpool accent. That way they'll know it was just a trick.

7. Make a grilled cheese sandwich, and then, to get out your aggressions, chop it into a hundred tiny pieces and burn it on toothpicks, calling it vile names and insulting its family. You don't have to eat it.

8. Make a decision that you are going to be the person who invents a viable word that rhymes with orange, and figure out a way to integrate it into the English language.

So anyway I tried to take part in the "Virtual March on Washington" yesterday but I tolly couldn't get through. All the phone circuits were jammed. It was rad. The newspaper headlines today suggested that Bush is getting a little bit desperate and feeling a tad less blusterous (as winnie the pooh says).

So remember in "Young Frankenstein," the old lady named Frau Blucher? (whinny!) Well I was just looking up "blusterous" (which apparently isn't a word-word) and my eye fell upon this tasty morsel:

blucher / blooch'er blook'-/ [Gebhard Von Bl�cher (1742-1819) Prussian field marshal] n shoe in which the tongue and toe are made of one piece of leather, with the upper lapping over the tongue.

How dirty can a dictionary definition possibly be?

And is it just me, or is the definition for apple kinda hot, too?:

apple round fleshy edible fruit of any of a genus of the rose family.



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