Hi Turtle Robots:
I was at Trader Joe's again today and this chubby little girl standing in a cart said, "HI! HI!" to me, like we knew each other and she just knew that I would want to see her again. It was awesome. I said, "HI!" back, like it was really important. Her tummy was sticking out over the top of her funny striped leggings, and she stood with a sway back, like a little kid, and she had plumber's butt, too. It was rad. She stuck her finger in her nose with a dazed expression, and then stuck it in her mouth.
She was totally, 100 percent comfortable in the world.
Then I'm driving home and I see a certain rock boy I know walking down the sidewalk. This guy used to be sweet and naive, but I can tell he's changed. His T-Shirt is too small, don't you know, and he's got sunglasses on and he's walking like really slow, kind of loping, as if he were trying to keep time to a really super-k�ol song in his head only he is cool enough to hear. He holds his body just so--he doesn't move any parts extraneously; he doesn't look around at things, he doesn't scratch his nose, he doesn't put his hands awkwardly in his pockets. He moves as if everyone were watching.
So, I had to ask myself: Who's cooler? Kid, or insect-boy?
Well, duh. I am so sure.
I'm all for being cool and looking cool and making cool shit happen, but you don't have to try so fucking hard.
Anyway, while driving I had a complete and total "Bourne Identity" moment. A song came on KXLU, a song I had never heard before on the radio, or anywhere that I could remember, and I began to sing the lyrics by heart. I had no idea what was coming out of my mouth; I just watched myself singing along to this song.
It was very "Bourne Identity," except, like, if Bourne was maybe an ex-indie rocker. You know: He walks into a bar and, somehow, he picks up a guitar on the stage and starts singing that Haircut song, and everybody turns around to listen and claps him on the back at the end and says, Welcome back! And then he notices a strange thirst, and when he goes to the bar, the bartender says, "The usual?" and he goes, uh, yeah, and the bartender serves him a Rolling Rock.
Anyway, the lyrics I was singing go like:
"Just be glad you live in America
Just relax and be yourself.
'Cuz if you didn't live here in America,
You'd probably live somewhere else."
I think it's Camper Van Beethoven.