Friday, January 31, 2003

Everybody Eats Macaroni and Cheese:



Here's some more ghetto-fabulosity from my best girlfriend Debbie Urlik (I still can't bring myself to use her married last name, Beukema, because I clutch desperately at my fading youth). I love how she invented a new word in the first line. Also, note her casual, offhand suggestion of black lips.



"Yes, YES! Good ideas all. Here's summore: Eliminate lipstick! For a well coordinated face, use eye shadow on your eyes, of course, and then the same shadow on your lips with a little vaseline. This... ahem, is from memory from the olden days, when I actually left the house. Also on the make-up tip: If you are desparate, a ball point pen (felt pen even better) works just fine as eyeliner, and smear just a bit on well licked lips. A winner in a pinch! Here's another one for people with a lack of hair... like my husband and I. For a nice full head of thick-looking hair, wash with bar soap and use no conditioner. It dries stiff and fluffy. I've been doing this since high school, when I learned how well it worked on my friend's mohawk."



Dev:



You fucking RAWK.



You are gonna die when you hear this. I have to wonder where you got the magic marker/eyeliner idea, BECAUSE....



The other day, I just happened to be interviewing this drummer for an article. I go to his "house," and it is what they call a trash house. For real, a real-live trash house. I won't go into the details because I don't want to be unkind. He was very, very sweet to me, and he's a super-intelligent, hilarious and articulate person. ANYWAY, so we're talking and shit, and he picks up a Sharpie and starts putting on some Sharpie-eyeliner, then he smudges it all skillfully and shit.



I look at the vintage velvet dress he's wearing, the long hair, the eyeliner, and I think, Hmmm, somebody's a little bit glammy, isn't he?



And then I put it all together: Holy fuck, this is that guy from Celebrity Skin Debbie dated for like five weird minutes in high school!



"The drummer for 45 Grave," we used to say. His claim to fame.



Well, I didn't know this, but he was also the drummer for the Germs.



I remember a funny moment back in high school. I was at whatshername's house and for some reason this guy was there, too, and we were sitting in her bedroom, and he was going to a party at Crispin Glover's house, and he seemed to think that was pretty fucking cool. (I totally did too, because I had a huge crush on Crispin Glover. Oh, wow. It's so sad that I had the body of a nine-year old at age 15. It hurt so much to be a teenager stuck in the body of a child. I was really hoping he would invite us to the party, or we would go, or something, but we didn't.)



Anyway, he and his costar in Celebrity Skin were all decked-out in their ridiculous glam-circus insane stage getups, and they seemed to be trying so fucking hard. So hard. So hard you could feel it.



I wasn't trying to be a jerk, but I was kind of confused about the whole trying-to-be-cool thing. I thought, if you are obviously trying really fucking hard to be cool, aren't you kind of telling the world that you're really not cool? I mean, that you're desperate for other people's attention?



I still don't have this figured out.



So anyway, I asked him something like, "Don't you feel kind of stupid wearing all this stuff?"



He was all, "No way, not at all, why would I feel stupid?"



I couldn't explain what I meant.



Nowadays I think the answer lies somewhere in the fog of identity, the mist between the true self and the exterior world's perceptions.



If you try to be cool, and it shows, and everyone knows you're trying hard, if you do it right, it makes you SIMULTANEOUSLY cooler and geekier.



Sometimes, this makes you more beautiful.



Where would we be without people trying to be cool? We would have no rock 'n' roll, that's for sure. And glam rock? Forget it.



I am so vomitous/verbose today---can you tell I'm on deadline?



To continue the blabbling: Your story reminded me of another makeup idea, sort of the reverse of your eye-shadow idea:



When you put on lipstick, smear a little bit onto your eyelids too. It works just as well as eye shadow, and then you have a strange magical unity to your face.



I remember I got this idea from you one night in Prague: We were in the kitchen in the studio apartment I shared with Vladan and Hana at the Flora metro stop --wow, that sounds so bohemian and romantic now--the studio apartment three of us were sharing--AND it was a seventh-floor walk-up! (And is WAS Bohemian--literally.) The shower was in the kitchen (we were the envy of all our friends because we actually HAD a shower, as opposed to a bath) and the toilet was in the entry hall. That rocked! I remember we used to wash the dishes in the shower because it was so much bigger than the sink, which was as big as a cereal bowl.



Hana would be embarrassed for me to tell you this, but when she came home from work she used to go in the bathroom and wash her feet in the shower. It was very gracious and civilized of her, actually. Then she made tea and smoked a cigarette.



Anyway... so you had come home from grocery shopping and were making me dinner, and you looked so, so pretty.



I was all, Hey Dev, what's with the magic glow?



You said, well, it's this secret makeup tip: I put my lipstick on my eyes!



You, being an artist, have always had a knack for these things.



Ever since then I have copied you.



xoxox

LeRoy

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