Thursday, January 30, 2003

Oh, you:

One of the secret things in my life that I am proud of is that for two and a half years I did all my laundry by hand. By hand, in the sink, with soap or shampoo or whatever was on hand. And hung-dry all of it in the bathroom. I was living in Prague when things were different.

It's weird, because if I think about it now, it seems absolutely preposterous. But at the time, it wasn't like I sat around bitching about how insane it was that I was doing all my goddamn laundry by hand all the time.

Anyway, the point of this is that I have a laundry tip for you, if you're ever broke like me or you run out of laundry soap (also like me) or lose it in the fire, or your dog sells it to the neighborhood skunk for drugs:

If you run out of laundry soap, you can also wash your clothes with many other things. I recommend a combination of baking soda and shampoo. Just sprinkle a whole bunch of baking soda into the washing machine and then squirt a whole bunch of shampoo in there. Moisturizing shampoo is very nice because it makes your clothes soft. No kidding.

I am certain that dish soap or that liquid hand stuff would also work, although dish soap seems a little harsh to me.

One thing I like to do is invent different ways to accomplish things when the chips are down. Like once on a trip to a cabin on the North Shore of Lake Superior, we had coffee beans but no grinder. So I put the beans in a ziplock bag and went out on the deck with a hammer. It didn't take that long to get it mushed up enough to make coffee.

And let's not even get into all the possible substitutes for toilet paper.

In fact, I have so many fucked-up ideas for making do, I'm like the ghetto Martha Stewart.

For example: If you're ghetto like me, you use those Mexican devotional candles in the tall glasses. The only problem is, after a while it gets really hard to light the fuckers, once they've burned down a bit. Solution: Take a piece of uncooked spaghetti, light it with a match, and then use it to light the candle.

Or say you have some incense but you accidentally flushed your incense holder down the toilet. Just take a wet sponge and stick the incense stick into the sponge. That way you know there won't be a fire even if you leave the house.

Or let's say your skin is so, so dry in the Santa Ana winds but you don't have enough lotion. Olive oil is a great body moisturizer.

There are a lot of nice uses for olive oil. Ahem.

If you ever run out of guitar picks, pennies work pretty good, or bottle caps. But what works super good is the little flippy thing from the top of a beercan.

If you have any more ideas you can put them in the comments.


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